One of our San Diego friends contacted me because she was confused. She had taken The Gorilla Quiz and told me her husband is primarily a Gorilla. However, she had also read the Chapter Excerpt about Gorillas. She said it sounded a lot like her husband – except that he isn’t cuddly.
“Whoa”, I said, “That can’t be! The central trait of a Gorilla is his cuddly nature.“ I asked her to describe what she meant when she said he isn’t cuddly.
She thought for a moment and then said, “I guess it’s because he doesn’t initiate cuddles. I have to ask him for hugs or to hold hands.”
“Hmmm,” I said. “What is his family like? Are they a huggy family?”
“Oh no” she said. “They are quite aloof. They do not hug and kiss publicly even when greeting at the airport.”
“Okay,” I told her. “I have an idea. I am guessing that your husband’s natural nature is to be a cuddly Gorilla. But when he was a child, if he wanted to cuddle up to an aloof member s of his family, they may have told him to stop doing that. Quit hanging on me. Don’t sit so close, etc, etc.
So, here is my thought. Your husband may need permission from you to be himself. Start telling him how much you like it when he sits close to you on the couch. Tell him you love his hugs. Smile when he holds your hand and tell him how much it pleases you to feel his touch.”
She said, “It’s funny. I think those things, but I’ve never told him.”
“Okay, try it for a while and then let me know what happens.”
It was a couple of months before I saw her again. Immediately I asked what had happened. She gave me a big smile and said, “He’s a changed man. He seems more relaxed and happy. And now he’s cuddly all the time. I love it! Thank you so much!”
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