After taking the Gorilla Quiz and discovering the true nature of your man, some of you have asked what you should do next to improve your relationships. Here are the basic steps we recommend:
1 – Take the Quiz twice: once for your Ideal Man, and a second time for your Current Man.
2 – Get to know your man: Compare the two quizzes. You are looking for insights to understand your man. For example, if your man has a strong Wolf aspect then you can realize that he probably needs lots of positive affirmations from you to assure himself that he’s “got what it takes.” Or, if he’s primarily a Shark, then you can understand why he’s driven to be a work-aholic. Or, if you see that he has very little Shark, then his lack of ambition makes more sense. The better you understand your man’s true nature, the easier it will be to work with him.
3 – Support his strengths: Every Man-imal Type, (except Crab and Rat) has both strengths and weaknesses. For example, the Shark can be a great provider of a wonderful lifestyle for your family. Or he can be so driven to be “at the top” that he is willing to benefit financially even when it creates a loss for others. This range between positive (generous) and negative (selfish) is primarily dependent on his Emotional Maturity. Soon we will have a Quiz to help you identify the level of his Emotional Maturity. And we will have suggestions for how to help him “grow up.” One of the best ways to support his growth is to acknowledge his strengths.
4 – Learn about his childhood: If he has a lot of Crab or Rat, this usually means he had a rough childhood in some way. These two Types are not really Man-imals. They are defense mechanisms that he learned so he could protect himself when he has younger. He used these negative behaviors to cause people to distance themselves from him. Unfortunately, he is still using them today, and that will create distance between the two of you. It takes a lot of patience and support to help a man to let go of these self-protecting behaviors! Some examples can be found in the Chapter Excerpts to help you with this challenge. In the future we will be giving lots more ideas, too.
5 – Nurture your relationship: In the meantime, think of your relationship as a delicate plant that needs to be nurtured so that it can grow strong and healthy. You want to add good plant food, and avoid any poisons that could make it wither and die.
Here are some good “plant” foods: acknowledge him for things he does right (even little things), always keep your word and be trustworthy, be a TEAM player and watch each other’s back.
Here are some poisons to avoid: never use negative labels (like jerk, stupid, idiot, asshole, etc), don’t embarrass him publicly by correcting him or saying something negative about him, don’t tell untruths (even little white lies) because they break trust. Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.
Note: What do you think of these ideas? Could they work for you? When you try them, please tell us what happens! Also, we love to hear your questions and concerns so that we can clarify concepts to help you with your relationships!