When you are in a committed relationship, whether or not you are married, should you keep your old friends of the opposite sex? I recently overheard a discussion about this. Some said you have to drop them because otherwise there is always a question of trust. And if your boyfriend’s best friend is a girl, what’s to keep her from becoming “more” than a friend? Others said you should get to keep your friends. What if you like to go golfing and your husband doesn’t, but your “old” guy friend does? Shouldn’t you get to keep your buddy for a golfing friend? What do you think?
My thought is you can keep your old friends IF you also protect (and build) the trust in your committed relationship by following a few simple rules:
1 ) Pretend you are famous and the paparazzi are always trying to take your picture, or report your activities in the fan magazines, which your lover is going to see or read. So, never get in a situation that might “look” compromising. For example, never hug or kiss your “buddy” unless its a side-hug, or a cheek kiss. Even then, be careful.
2 ) Never go anyplace with the buddy alone, always take a 3rd friend. Including don’t stop over at his house even for a few minutes. And be sure your lover knows where you are going. You don’t want your lover to hear from a friend who says he saw you having a “friendly” lunch with your buddy. Note: This is not giving up your freedom, this is protecting your relationship.
3) If you are texting or emailing your buddy, then cc your lover, so he is always aware of your conversations. No secrets from your lover!
When you take steps like those above to make your relationship with your lover come first, then you build trust rather than take a chance of breaking trust. And of course these same rules apply to your lover! You both need to be a TEAM to protect the relationship.
What do you think? Are you still friends with your old buddies? I’d love to hear your thoughts and I’m sure you have plenty!